


The One With the Furniture Puns

by mikkimouse



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bad furniture-building innuendos, Double Entendre, M/M, Stiles and Erica are very mature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkimouse/pseuds/mikkimouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Erica make bad furniture innuendos while building a shelf for Derek. Derek doesn't know why he asked for their help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One With the Furniture Puns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kalira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalira/gifts).



> So Kalira and I were helping a friend of ours build a shelf and being extremely mature about the number of times we had to say "nail" and "screw" and "rod," and we decided that Stiles and Erica would be precisely as mature as we were about it.

"Hold still; I've got to _nail_ it in."

"Yeah, you really know how to nail, don't you, big boy?"

"I can't get it in the hole."

"Oh, that's a _tight_ one. Wiggle it a bit."

"Hang on, I've got to put a rubber on this rod."

"Yeah, slide it on there, nice and slow."

Derek buried his head in his book and pretended he couldn't hear Stiles and Erica giggling like ten-year-olds as they assembled the bookshelf on his living room floor. They'd spent the past twenty minutes making every bad double entendre and innuendo they could when surrounded by nails, screws, and rods. 

All right, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Honestly, Derek was surprised they'd lasted a minute and thirty seconds before making the first one.

Not that he'd been counting. 

"You gonna screw me, baby?" Erica asked, waggling her eyebrows. 

Stiles brandished a screwdriver. "You know it."

Derek groaned. "I should've waited for Boyd."

Erica threw back her head and laughed. "Oh, come on. You know it wouldn't be half as much fun without us here." 

"Boyd would be quiet," Derek pointed out. "Also, Boyd would be _done_ by now, not making _pornographic moans while screwing the shelf, Stiles_."

Thankfully, Stiles stopped the breathy moans (which helped Derek's composure a little) and gave him a suggestive wink (which did not). "But I _have_ to screw the shelf. And nail it." 

Fucking hell. Derek didn't need to be thinking about Stiles screwing or nailing anything. Or anyone.

"And shove rods in all its tight little holes," Stiles continued with a lascivious grin. 

"I've got a hole you can shove a rod in," Derek muttered, low enough that even werewolf ears couldn't catch it. 

Except both Stiles and Erica had stopped messing with the shelf and were looking at him with wide, disbelieving eyes, their mouths hanging open. 

Oh. Shit. 

Erica recovered first, her eyes snapping back and forth between Derek and Stiles, and then a calculating grin spread over her face. She stood and wiped her hands off on her skintight jeans. "Well, I'm afraid I don't have any rods at the moment, but I'm sure Stiles would be _happy_ to help you fill _any_ holes you have."

Derek felt the heat race up his cheeks, was absolutely positive his ears were burning red. He wanted to crawl into a hole and _die_.

Stiles gaped at her, pink splotches blooming on his pale face. " _Erica!_ "

She wiggled her fingers and sashayed out the door with a cackle. "Good luck with the furniture, boys!"

_Good lord_. Derek buried his face in his hands and listened to the sound of Erica's heels clacking off down the hallway. It was better than listening to Stiles's rapid heartbeat and shallow breathing. 

It was a good minute, at least, before Derek could bring himself to lift his head and look at Stiles. 

Stiles was gaping at him now. "'I've got a _hole_ you can shove a _rod in_ '?" 

Derek sank further into his chair and scowled. "It just slipped out."

"Yeah, that's what he said," Stiles said, but it sounded like it came out automatically. He dragged a hand through his dark, messy hair. "Did you seriously just use a terrible shelf-building-related double entendre to proposition me?" 

Derek shrugged and ignored how hot his face felt. "Thought I'd try speaking your language for once."

Stiles's mouth dropped further open, if that were possible, and his jaw flapped like he was trying to make words, but nothing was coming out. He looked like an idiot. 

Derek was stupidly in love with him.

Of course, the longer Stiles sat there _not responding_ , the more Derek was starting to realize this had been a terrible idea. He scrambled to think of something, anything, to defuse the awkwardness, but his mind was coming up frustratingly blank. 

Then Stiles broke into the biggest grin Derek had ever seen in his life and scrambled across the living room floor until he was crouched right in front of Derek's chair. "Well, I guess that just leaves one question, then." 

Derek took a moment to be thankful Stiles couldn't hear how hard his heart was pounding. "What's that?" 

Stiles's grin went positively _wicked_. "Which hole would you like to shove my rod in first?"

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [Tumblr](http://mad-madam-m.tumblr.com)!


End file.
